Today I want to speak with you about change: when you know you need to make a change in your life, and yet you don’t find your feet moving.
— You know in your heart that you’re not with the right partner, and yet you stay.
— You hate the work you do, and yet you don’t quit.
In today’s “pressure marketing world” there are so many teachers and coaches and motivational videos that teach if you are living anywhere beneath your highest self, that you need to IMMEDIATELY change (and not a second later).
For those of us in this place who ALREADY KNOW we should change and yet DON’T, there is the unspoken judgement that you lack courage, are playing small or are wasting your potential. Basically, that you’re doing life WRONG.
The result? You beat yourself up.
You feel guilty that you’re “settling” or catering to your fears. You might even feel ashamed when you see someone else boldly pursue their truth.
Today I aim to bring some ease around this area with 3 Big Ideas around decisions that I don’t feel are being talked about enough.
1. A Deeper Part of You is REALLY Moving Your Feet (and it Knows Exactly What it’s Doing)
I want to open you up to the possibility that maybe- just maybe –there’s a deeper, more intelligent part of you that knows exactly what it’s doing.
It’s so common for our chattering ego minds to take credit for all of our actions – that *I* did this, or *I’m* not doing that. However, it seems more true that we’re in less control of our lives than we may think. That perhaps there is a deeper, more intelligent part of you – life moving through you – that is guiding your life to give you the exact experiences you need to go through:
— To give you the experiences you came here to experience
— To teach you the lessons you came here to learn
… and that everything is unfolding perfectly, and in perfect timing.
As Byron Katie puts it, “We never make a decision. When the time is right, the decision makes itself.” She also talks about how there isn’t a single speck of dust in the Universe that’s out of place.
I love that.
We’ve been taught our whole lives that we need to knuckle down and make things happen. However, I’d like you to soften to the idea that perhaps – (again, just perhaps) – there’s a very important reason why you are where you currently are. That there’s an intelligence and a purpose behind why you’re in the current job or relationship you are in. That you are going through precisely what you NEED to go through before you can move onto your next big thing.
All in perfect timing, without a single speck dust out of place.
2. “Ripeness” of Decisions and Change
In nature, we always see that things go through a process of RIPENESS before change. For example, in the summertime if you go to pull a berry off the branch before it is ripe it is a struggle. The branch resists you and you must tear it off forcefully. If you do succeed in forcing it off the branch, it tastes horribly bitter and contains very little nutrition for your body.
On the flip side, if you wait and allow the berry to become ripe, it comes off the branch EFFORTLESSLY – almost as a gift from the branch. The berry is delicious, practically melting in your mouth, and contains the maximum amount of nutrition and energy for your body.
The same “ripeness” analogy can be applied to the timing of situations in your life. Every job and relationship has a timing to it as you go through what you need to go through. When the time for change is ripe, the decision will happen at exactly in the right time – just like nature does – allowing the “berry” to reach its perfect ripeness before being released with ease.
A lot of people dismiss the intelligence of timing in their life, and instead feel tempted to make IMMEDIATE change after being fired up by some motivational program or event. Then, in this frenzy go around and (fearfully) forcing decisions and “ripping berries off their branches” before they’re ripe and ready.
Instead feel into the sacred timing and “ripeness” of the situation you are currently in. Reflect on past situations that had an intelligent ripeness to them, and how following this natural flow served you.
3. That Which You Resist, Persists
I’m on the email list of transformation coach Ishita Gupta, and she sent an email out a while ago that really piqued my interest. She told a story around how no matter how hard she tried, she was constantly late for everything.
Meetings. Yoga classes. Coffee with a friend. Always 15-20 minutes late (I’m paraphrasing here).
This caused a lot of problems for her and kicked up a ton of stress and guilt, so she tried every trick and strategy in the book to be on time: time management, strategies to leave early, etc. But nothing worked.
So after a while she changed her approach and decided as an experiment to do something very interesting. She took the bold stance that whenever she happened to show up, she was right on time.
15 minutes late for a meeting? Great. Rocking up late for a class? Right on time.
She said even though this attitude drove some of her friends crazy, it succeeded in removing all the stress that she felt around constantly being late. It was pure acceptance, dropping away any concept of being “late.”
About 2-3 weeks into this she noticed something very surprising: the problem had disappeared. That without even trying she naturally just started showing up on time for things – early even. No “productivity hacks” or special tactics. Rather, simply by removing the stress that was feeding that problem, she naturally gravitated towards what deep down she really wanted.
I’ve noticed this exactly same phenomenon in my own life: that which you resist, persists. Remove the resistance and change naturally occurs.
I invite you take a look where you may be doing this. Look at any area of your life where you feel stuck, and investigate what you are resisting about it. Although it’s tempting to believe that fighting is what will help you escape a situation, ironically it’s that very fighting – i.e. resisting – that could be the very thing that is keeping you stuck there.
* * *
Read my related post “Sick of Not Changing Part II”
Enjoy what you’re reading? Click “like” or “share” below!